Kirvin Streetman's Sugar Bride Blues

by The Prof.Fuzz 63

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1.
kirvin streetman’s sugar bride blues kirvin streetman lived on airline drive in a two room house with his sugar bride kirvin had secrets he could barely keep buried in the backyard three feet deep his sugar bride sure was sweet lips like candy on kirvin’s meat on kirvin’s mind she cast her spell his deepest thoughts to her did tell kirvin’s ex wife had disappeared blamed on a drifter with a long red beard kirvin saved money on his child support and poured a fresh slab for a new carport sweet sugar bride knew more than enough the way to his heart and her way with a gun a call to the cops and a stop at the bank filled her purse with cash and topped off the tank when kirvin hit the ground he was losing his life next to his car and above his ex wife the airline house it burst into flames his sweet sugar bride made a clean get away
2.
the crystal furs sing the best of motörhead he's the ace of spades he's a motörhead dance on your grave 'til you're killed by death he's an organ guy she's a guitar girl they’re a twee pop band they're the crystal furs indie pop meets dirty rock [4x] he's a bomber, baby he's the road crew too another perfect day put his snake in you she’s got tunnel vision quit you miss hughes when the summer’s over gonna capture you indie pop meets dirty rock [4x] when the crystal furs sing the best of motörhead [4x]
3.
nudist buddhist judas priest fan first thing in the morning she’s rolling out of bed going to the beach she's banging her head she’s working on her karma she’s working on her tan she’s a nudist buddhist judas priest fan she’s working on her karma she’s working on her tan she’s a nudist buddhist she's cruising up the coast surfboard in her trunk hellbent for leather and airing out her junk she takes the dharma wheel driving topless in her van she's a nudist buddhist judas priest fan she takes the dharma wheel driving topless in her van she's a nudist buddhist living after midnight she’s worshipping the sun cranking british steel and warming up her buns she’s a naked bodhisattva lying in the sand she's a nudist buddhist judas priest fan she’s a naked bodhisattva lying in the sand she's a nudist buddhist she’s working on her karma she’s working on her tan she takes the dharma wheel driving topless in her van she’s a naked bodhisattva lying in the sand she's a nudist buddhist judas priest fan she's a nudist buddhist judas priest fan she's a nudist buddhist
4.
cantaloupe tonight pickin' fruit out in california bought two ladies a beer told ‘em I's the nephew of my uncle buck uncle buck from bakersfield along came steve in the microbus and took the blonde one away left me in the dark with a bright redhead i run out of things to say i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she had melons as big as her head i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she had melons makin' love out in californ' under the stars and the moon one redhead and a six of beer thinkin' i was buck's nephew i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she had melons as big as her head i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she took me down to her strawberry bed woke up in the mornin' red was gone along with my money and my boots staring straight in to the rising sun i saw her daddy about to shoot his gun i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she had melons as big as her head i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl i saw her daddy and i knew i was dead not sure how but i got out alive with this one thought in my head don't go sayin' you're buck owens' kin just to get a women into bed i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she had melons as big as her head i fell in love with a cantaloupe girl she took me down to her strawberry bed
5.
black massachusetts black massachusetts was a real mean dude he liked his oil and his women crude late afternoon mass woke up sick  crying in the bed of reykjavik dick reykjavik dick was a man of the world six foot-three and dressed like a girl dick said to mass, i thought you were dead tell me how you got that bump on your head black massachusetts was losing his mind spinning in space and floating through time mass asked dick, where have i been? what do you know about little green men?  reykjavik dick told black massachusetts about some gals he met in las cruces mass said, dick, my time don’t you waste dick said those girls were from outer space   i would literally pay you to take me away i would literally pay you to leave this place i would literally pay you to take me away  i would literally pay you to take me to space 
6.
bilingual substitute teacher she says “buenos días” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “bonjour” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “guten morgen” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “saba halkiry” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “kaliméra” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “ohayō” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “zao’an” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher she says “good morning” when the kids come to greet her she’s a bi-bilingual substitute teacher
7.
little miss solar eclipse sun in her hair, her face like the moon starry eyes that'll make you swoon sun in her hair, her face like the moon starry eyes… she's a bad trip that you just can't miss little miss little miss solar eclipse [2x] a sight so rare she clouds the mind stare too long and you’re gonna go blind a sight so rare she clouds the mind stare too long… she's a bad trip that you just can't miss little miss little miss solar eclipse [2x] you know she's bad but you can't look away the sky turns dark in the middle of the day you know she's bad but you can't look away the sky turns dark… she's a bad trip that you just can't miss little miss little miss solar eclipse [2x] she's a bad trip that you just can't miss little miss little miss solar eclipse she's a bad trip that you just can't miss little miss little miss solar eclipse little miss little miss solar eclipse little miss little miss solar eclipse little miss little miss solar eclipse
8.
hip priest’s hip replacement he left the capitol was a prole art threat slates and slags and two etc hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest he drank a long draft and then he fell down now he needs a crutch to get around town hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest you know he got fit he was working again he took an older lover you know she done him in hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest living the lie dream of a casino soul a fantastic life until you get old hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest’s hip replacement hip priest dr annebelle lied dr annebelle lied dr annebelle lied dr annebelle lied
9.
Jerking a Unicorn Well they shot Ray Davies in New Orleans That's where Alex Chilton's heart gave out I saw them pull the plug on Jerk Unicorn No idea what that was about... No idea what that was about... Well they shot Ray Davies in New Orleans That's where Alex Chilton's heart gave out I saw them pull the plug on Jerk Unicorn No idea what that was about... No idea what that was about... Well they shot Ray Davies in New Orleans That's where Alex Chilton's heart gave out I saw them pull the plug on Jerk Unicorn No idea what that was about... No idea what that was about... They shot Ray Davies... They shot Ray Davies... They shot Ray Davies... They shot... I got no idea what that was about... I got no idea... I got no...
10.
last rites of spring high I am. high I am. I am high. high I am. high I am. I am high. last rites. last rites. last rites of spring. last rites. last rites. last rites of spring. high I am. high I am. I am high. high I am. high I am. I am high. [break] high I am. high I am. I am high. high I am. high I am. I am high. last rites. last rites. last rites of spring. last rites. last rites. last rites of spring. high I am. high I am. I am high. high I am. high I am. I am high. i am the kite…. ∞

about

The Prof.Fuzz 63: Kirvin Streetman’s Sugar Bride Blues
All songs by Professor Fuzz. © and BMI, 2018
DLR-063

Track Notes
Side A
A1 kirvin streetman’s sugar bride blues
This might be the happiest sounding song about a pair of homicides on this record. It’s the only song named after two small towns that flank I-45 south of Dallas. It also name-checks the street I grew up on. Damn, that’s a lot of allusions in just under four minutes.

A2 the crystal furs sing the best of motörhead
(Guest vocals by Mandy Hand)
A perverted rock and roll fantasy in which a sweet (former) Fort Worth indie pop band, The Crystal Furs, perform a set of songs by the late-great Motörhead. Featuring guest vocals by former Fur, Mandy Hand! Indie pop meets dirty rock.

A3 nudist buddhist judas priest fan
Speaking of fantasies, this one’s about somebody’s ideal woman: She’s into heavy metal music, eastern philosophy, the beach, surfing, and suntanning. Also, she’s not much into wearing clothes. Somewhere, she’s breaking the law, breaking the law. Somewhere else, she’s not. Karma, baby!

A4 cantaloupe tonight
A true story about a case of identity theft, not for financial gain, but for the far more noble pursuit of getting laid. This is the second song we’ve recorded with a Hee-Haw reference (see “minnie pearl watch over me” from our first album, Chinese Folk Songs; or not).

A5 black massachusetts
Every damned day, it seems, I just wish aliens would take me away. This song is about a transvestite with alien abduction envy. The organ playing here is badass. So is The Redhead. Special Agent Scully was a redhead too. Coincidence? I think not. “I want to believe.” Yeah, don’t we all?


Side B
B1 bilingual substitute teacher
She’s overworked, underpaid, and criminally under-appreciated. We pretty much stole this song (or at least the songwriting technique) from The Fall (Repetition! Repetition! Repetition!). How many languages do you know?

B2 little miss solar eclipse
We aim to cash in big time with this song on April 8, 2024: the next time there’s a total eclipse of the sun in the USA. Turn around bright eyes, here comes Little Miss Solar Eclipse, and she’s a bad trip!

B3 hip priest’s hip replacement
A little ditty about growing old disgracefully. Dedicated to Mark E. Smith. Four days after we debuted the song, MES died. Someone said that this song is the reason why. To that person, we say, we’re writing a song about you too. Drink a long draught down.

B4 jerking a unicorn
Weird shit happens in New Orleans, and unlike Las Vegas where you enter into a non-disclosure agreement (“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”), in the Crescent City, you are free to kiss and tell. This is a true story. Ray Davies survived; Alex Chilton did not; the jury is still out on Jerk Unicorn.

B5 last rites of spring
(Co-written with John Ramos)
Originally written in 1986 as a 45 minute “play-until-they-pull-the-plug-and-arrest-us” song for the annual Rites of Spring Festival at the University of Houston for the Professor’s former band, Sleepyhead (with John Ramos and Gary the Drummer); here reenvisioned as a more compact ditty, though no less droning and hypnotic. I am the kite, and you can too.


BONUS TRACK [CD and Digital Download Only]
junk-o man
A ditty about a self-generating and self-cannibalizing robot, inspired by Highlights Magazine (you remember, the one in the dentist’s office!). We can argue all day over who was Goofus and who was Gallant, but we are all the JUNK-O MAN.

credits

released February 2, 2019

The Prof.Fuzz 63 is:
Professor Fuzz: Guitars and Vocals
Sleepy Redhead: Organ and Vocals
Mr. B: Drums

Recorded at Cloudland Recording Studio, Fort Worth TX
Engineered, mixed, and mastered by Britt Robisheaux
August 2018
Dreamy Life Records DLR-063

With love and respect to: The Crystal Furs, Motörhead, Judas Priest, Buck Owens, Mark E. Smith, Ray Davies, Alex Chilton, and Jerk Unicorn.

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The Prof.Fuzz 63 Dallas, Texas

Lo-fi rock from a north Dallas garage.

www.patreon.com/PF63

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